We all have our tapes: stories we tell ourselves that influence how we feel and limit the choices we make. And most of the time, these stories don’t get fact-checked. They can sound something like . . .
- I have to work (too) hard to make money.
- I’m too old to pursue my lifelong dream.
- If I don’t do it myself, it won’t be done right.
- Management knows what the problem is. They just refuse to fix it.
- My boss is not calling me back; she must be upset at me.
When played out, these tapes have a much larger impact on our lives than we often realize. They influence how we make decisions and cope with challenges. They can either help us grow or limit our potential and prevent us from experiencing life in a meaningful, positive way.
Let’s look at those tapes or inner narratives that hold us back.
Limiting Beliefs
These beliefs are generalizations, stereotypes or ideas that we’ve learned and accepted about ourselves, other people and the world at large that limit us in some way. They pull us back from the edge of our calling and prevent us from pursuing our goals and desires, like that dream job or relationship we want. Have heard of or held any of these beliefs?
- Rich people are greedy.
- All men cheat.
- Good leaders are tough.
- A woman’s place is in the home.
- I should have my career figured out by 30.
- I don’t have enough credentials to be considered an expert.
- There’s never enough time in the day to do things I enjoy.
- I’m too old (or young) to . . .
- I’ll never find a good partner.
Limiting beliefs are often formed while we’re young, and often come from authority figures, such as our parents and teachers. We pick up others through our experiences and from the media we’ve consumed. Some come from prevailing beliefs held in our society and/or industry. By repeatedly thinking about these ideas and acting accordingly, these ideas become ingrained into our subconscious until, at some point, we’ve accepted them as truths that shape our lives.
We are each a product of our own belief system.
It’s important to understand that truth does not exist by consensus. Athletes have broken records that were once believed impossible or extremely dangerous to even attempt.
Challenging what everyone, including ourselves, believes to be true can help us overcome self-imposed limitations. Start by exploring the effect the belief has had on your life. Look for proof of its truth. Ask yourself, ‘Where did I get that idea?’
Assumptions
An assumption is an expectation that because something has happened in the past, it will happen again.
You’re turned down for a position in a highly competitive company. As a result, you assume that the next time a similar position comes up, you’ll face the same rejection so you don’t bother applying for it.
Because assumptions are formed from personal experiences, they can be very emotional and internalized. When we hold onto assumptions, we are allowing the past to dictate our future.
If you believe you already know something won’t work out, chances are you’re not going to consider trying for a different outcome. Ask yourself ‘just because that happened in the past, what makes me think it will happen that way again?’ and test your assumption against evidence.
Interpretations
Interpretations are stories, opinions or judgments that we create about an event, situation, person or experience and believe to be true.
The CEO walks into the boardroom and barely acknowledges one of the team leaders. The leader interprets that the CEO is unhappy about his performance. The leader’s interpretation may create fear that his role in the company is in jeopardy, causing him to change the way he shows up that day.
We all interpret things whenever we form an opinion about a person, situation or experience. But these interpretations represent just one viewpoint . . . ours. Examine what else might be going on. Consider other ways of looking at the situation or person. By doing so, the power of that interpretation diminishes. Practice challenging interpretations by considering opposite points of view to find new information.
We Are The Stories We Tell
According to Psychology Today, “there’s something intrinsic in our drive to explain, order, and extract meaning from the chaos of our lives.” We create stories to understand ourselves. And our ability to do this defines how we feel about ourselves. It shapes the identity we create throughout our lives.
Nothing has meaning unless you give it meaning.
Think about common labels you use when relating a story, then consider: Am I creating a repeating narrative about it and making it ‘My Story’?
I coached one woman who always described herself as a ‘struggling single mom.’ This label became ‘her story’ and influenced the professional choices she made. She never pursued high-powered positions; she played it safe. Once her self-perception was challenged, she was able to step more into her power with confidence to take her career to new heights. We reframed the way she looked at her experience raising two children on her own. She was able to acknowledge her accomplishments and self-value. She changed her story.
When was the last time that you slowed down and paid attention to your inner narrative?
The next time you jump to conclusions, form a hard opinion or find yourself stuck in your story with no control over the outcome, hit the pause button. Use your curiosity. Consider other perspectives and possibilities. Rewrite your inner narrative and change your story.
You have the power to choose how you want to experience life. Self awareness, understanding your mindset, and removing the blocks that hold you back so you can make more conscious, empowering choices is the foundation of self mastery. It’s taking charge of your thinking, feelings and actions so that they work for you . . . not against you.
Check out the free tool “Removing the Block” below for the skills to overcome barriers to your success and happiness.
